Cats cannot get addicted to catnip. The effects of catnip wear off after about 30 minutes, and it will not trigger another response for several hours. Over time and with too much use, cats become less responsive to catnip, so it's impossible for them to get addicted.
If you've been paying attention to the news recently, you might think the cat nip scourge has reached peak levels. The mayor's office, the police force, and our news counterparts, Channel 4, are trying desperately to crack down on the Green Fairy and deal a fatal blow to the Kingpin's "cartel-like network of dealers and pushers."
Despite these attempts, many Whisker City residents are starting to try catnip for the first time, with mixed results. According to our unofficial data, most cats know at least one or two fellow felines who have sampled some 'Nip, and that number is growing by the day.
So, that begs the question. Why so much doom and gloom from Channel 4 and the mayor's office? They've been promising that Whisker City will devolve into a giant cesspool of debauchery and crime, and yet, it hasn't materialized, even as catnip use grows.
At Cat News Meow, we understand many residents are worried. So, we've developed a questionnaire to help the average feline feel more at ease. Feel free to share this questionnaire with everyone you know, especially those on a heavy diet of Channel 4 "News."
Question 1: Can Cats Get Addicted to Catnip?
Cats cannot get addicted to catnip. The way the volatile oil, Nepetalactone, works is to trigger an olfactory response. Once the feeling subsides, the oil doesn't trigger another response for at least several hours. Even cats who try to take catnip daily will discover they don't feel anything after a few days, so it's impossible for addiction to take hold.
Although anti-catnip purveyors claim the all-natural plant can turn decent cats into drug-addled menaces, we've never come across a case like that. Not even the police can admit they've found a 'Nip-addicted cat on the streets.
Question 2: What is Cat Nip. Can Cats Overdose on Catnip?
Cat nip is a plant that's part of the mint family. Cat nip is native to Europe and Asia, but it grows almost everywhere, including North America. What makes cat nip so special is the volatile oil Nepetalactone present in the plant. This oil can trigger feelings of euphoria, similar to getting high for humans, but it wears off after about 30 minutes. So, it's impossible for cats to overdose on catnip.
When reports of the Green Fairy first came to Whisker City, the mayor said overdoses would flood the streets, reaching every home in the city. He predicted a wave of unprecedented destruction. Almost a year later, and there have been zero cases of catnip ODs. We've checked.
Question 3: Why Do Cats Like Catnip?
Cats like catnip because it triggers happy, euphoric feelings. When cats take a free hit of catnip, they feel calm, relaxed, and at ease. When cats ingest catnip, they can feel sleepy and drowsy, making it an excellent sleep aid.
Almost everyone can agree that cats like catnip because of how it makes them feel. However, according to our counterparts at Channel 4, they seem to believe the euphoria turns decent, hardworking felines into whack jobs, ready to sell their own mothers for another free hit. The reality, though, is markedly different.
We sent undercover reporters to Calico City a few weeks ago, where catnip is fully legal. According to our team, cats buy catnip regularly with no problems whatsoever. Even here, the police have no reports of 'Nip addicts going crazy for their next hit.
Question 4: Are There Any Catnip Benefits?
According to research, catnip has a slew of benefits, such as:
- Stress and anxiety relief
- Insomnia relief
- Depression relief
- Anti-socialness relief
While it's not exactly a cure-all, catnip seems to do a lot of good.
During our investigation of Calico City, we discovered that many clinics used catnip as a natural supplement for patients with anxiety and insomnia. We believe a similar scenario could play out here, if the mayor's office learns how to calm down.
Question 5: When Will This Madness End?
No matter which side you fall on in the catnip debate, one thing's for sure: it's an exhausting issue that must be resolved ASACP (as soon as cateraly possible). Whisker City is in the throes of a modern-day Cat-astrophe with no apparent end in sight.
We hope this questionnaire can help sway public opinion enough to get the mayor's office to change its official position. Until then, we're curious about what regular WC kittizens feel about living in ground zero of this conflict. How can this all end? Choose from one of the following options:
- The mayor and his cronies will win the day, pulling catnip from the streets and eradicating it for good.
- Kingpin and his cronies will succeed in flooding the streets with so much 'Nip that it's impossible to undo its effects, forcing the mayor to give up.
- A civil war of sorts will break out, with calm, peace-loving catnip lovers on one side and the cold, hard boot of the law on the other.
- Somehow, perhaps in a drive-by catnipping, the mayor and the police chief will each get a "free hit" of catnip, forcing them to re-evaluate their positions.
- This conflict will never end, so maybe it's time to move somewhere else, like the Catskills.
Final Thoughts From Our Editor
To catnip or not to catnip? That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of the mayor's office or to take arms against a sea of fatcats with even fatter pockets, and by opposing, end them. To 'Nip, to sleep, some more. And by a sleep we say we end the heartache, and the thousand natural oils that flesh is heir to.
To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub, the rub of a cat against a fresh cat nip plant. For in that sleep of 'Nip what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this fresh or dried catnip, must give us paws.
Translation: Catnip to all, and to all a great night!
This press release is a product of Cat News Meow and its subsidiaries. This is not an official endorsement of Cat Crack or Kitty Crack, but it's kind of an endorsement if you read between the lines. Catnip is an amazing all-natural remedy, is what we're saying.
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