The catnip plant is a natural herb that is part of the mint family. It grows almost everywhere, although it's native to Europe and Africa. Catnip naturally triggers intense feelings of euphoria in cats, thanks to the volatile oil Nepetalactone reacting with cat’s smell receptors.
I'm Dr. Julius Scratch, and I'm on a mission. After the mayor fired me from his cat nip task force, Kingpin's goons grabbed me and told me how they planned to sway public opinion. If I could get a copy of my research, they would have me announce the data on the Cat News Meow Network.
The only problem? My data is in my old laboratory, which is under heavy guard. I'm sure the mayor's cronies already destroyed my work, but they probably didn't find my secret backups. Now, I'm working with Kingpin's guys to infiltrate the lab and extract the data. The cats of Whisker City deserve to know the truth.
Why Do Cats Like Catnip, AKA Nepeta Cataria?
Cats like catnip because it makes them feel good. Nepetalactone, the active ingredient of catnip, triggers the olfactory senses (smell receptors) of cats, making them happy and playful. Typically, cats will roll around in catnip, simulating the sensation of arousal.
The plan was simple. Or, so I thought.
The goons (they never told me their names) and I would get into the building with fake disguises. The lab hosted tours every Tuesday and Thursday, giving guests a firsthand view of a real-life R&D department.
The idea is that we would get in with the tour group, then escape through the bathrooms. The men's room on the lab floor had a loose ceiling tile. We could use that to get up into the air vents and maneuver our way to the storage closet.
My backup files were located in a dummy wall section. I installed it myself, and I never told anyone about it, so it should still be intact. Only an X-Ray device would be able to detect anything wrong.
Our disguises were flawless. A few sunglasses and fake noses, and we were practically unrecognizable. I'm sure I could have had a whole conversation with my old co-workers before they'd realize who I was.
Finally, Tuesday came, and we put our plan into motion. It started okay but then quickly went off the rails. It's a miracle we didn't all wind up in prison.
Is Dried Catnip Better Than Fresh?
Dried catnip is ideal for sniffing, especially if it's pure and organic, like Cat Crack. Fresh catnip is best if you're trying to feed it to your cat. Ingesting catnip helps cats fall asleep, making it ideal for cats with sleep disorders or insomnia.
The first problem occurred when Goon 1's mustache came off as we climbed the stairs. He tried to play it off as a bad case of alopecia, but the security guards weren't buying it. Fortunately, they just kicked him out of the building, as they had no idea the three of us were in cahoots.
Cahoots. That's a funny word when you think about it.
At first, I thought about aborting the mission, but I realized we could still pull it off with just two of us. If another one of us got busted, though, we'd have to postpone and try a different approach.
The tour was so long and boring. When I worked in the lab, my spiel was always toward the end. I had always wondered why all the guests looked so morose, but now I can understand why. The guide's voice was practically a sleep aid, and nothing he said was even remotely interesting. I almost dozed off and lost the group at one point.
Finally, we reached the lab level. All we had to do was go to the bathroom when no one else was using it and get up into the air vents. Sounds easy, right?
Unfortunately, the building has over 500 occupants, and the lab bathroom was the only one for three floors. Saying it was busy is an understatement - the amount of kitty litter in that place was similar to the amount of sand you’d find at a beach. I timed how often someone else came into the bathroom, and it was only a matter of seconds. Not even enough for one of us to pop the ceiling tile.
Because waiting in the bathroom for too long would look suspicious for all kinds of reasons, Goon 2 and I decided to just continue with the tour. If we could break off again, we'd try getting into the vents later on. If that didn't work, we'd have to go back to the drawing board.
As we walked through the lab, it almost looked like one of my old assistants recognized me. However, she shrugged it off, and I tried not to draw attention to myself.
Finally, there was another break. Goon 2 and I headed to the bathroom, crossing our fingers. Two other guys came with us from the tour group, so we'd have to wait for them to head back.
Unfortunately, one of them was rather chatty.
Nepeta Cataria: The Green Fairy
The chatty cat latched onto Goon 2 like a tick. He kept asking so many questions about the tour, where the goon worked, and all kinds of personal details. The cat's name was Dennis, and he practically recounted his life story, minute by minute.
I tried waiting for Goon 2 in the bathroom, but it was obvious that Dennis wasn't going to let go. He was a lonely man, and since Goon 2 didn't immediately shut him down, Dennis took that to mean they were becoming friends.
At this point, I thought again about aborting the mission. However, if I could somehow make my way to the storage room, I could extract the data and make my way out. It was risky, but I didn't want to have to try this again.
By some miracle, I wound up alone in the bathroom long enough to get into the air ducts. I heard someone come in just as I replaced the ceiling tile.
Of course, now the problem was that the air ducts were so full of dirt and dust.
I'm allergic to dust.
I made it about 10 feet before a sneezing fit caused me to crash through the ceiling into the ladies' room. I can still hear them screaming.
I was sure security would figure out who I was and what I was doing, effectively ruining any other chances of getting that data. Thankfully, they just believed I was a pervert. I told them I had just taken a free hit of catnip, and that worked.
So, now it's back to square one. I hate square one.
Catnip Crack: Good Enough to Break Into a Maximum Security Lab For
Cat nip offers a host of health benefits for your cat, and Cat Crack is the best option for felines of all shapes and sizes. Whether you have a nervous cat or just want to give your pet a treat from time to time, Cat Crack is the perfect solution.
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